i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
are you so shy because you have an std?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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