god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
