Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Holy shit dude........stairs
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
