He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
