your room smells of hookers.
And success
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
