If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
