they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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