so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wear drunk well.
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