About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
