Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
