Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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