Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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