The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
