so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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