I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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