the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
