dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
