I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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