lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
