You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
