Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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