Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
