How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
