i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
