Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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