I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize