that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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