we have officially lost it.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
