Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
