Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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