I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
