When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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