i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
