If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
