I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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