Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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