i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
