Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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