please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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