We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
