Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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