If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
