He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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