So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
