You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dear god my vagina.
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