This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
