New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Welp...herpes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
