I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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