And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
