The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
