You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
