Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
