That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
