My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
