After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
