oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
