a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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