I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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