Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
