So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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