Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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