All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
