So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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