note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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