How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
