my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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