I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
