If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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