Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I die, sorry about rent.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
