we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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