Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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