hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
