discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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