it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
