I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Congratulations! We have a period
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
